Never in my wildest dreams, or nightmares, so to speak, could I ever have imagined having to say goodbye to both parents within 7 months of each other. But I did.
With a heavy heart Sue and I, along with our families, said goodbye to Nana last Thursday, February 13, 2014. Such a sad day. But, we find some solace in our faith that Nana is now in the kingdom of heaven, dancing again, chatting up her best friend and sister, Helen, and embracing her dear husband, our dad, Skip.
So much heartache and loss. Such a huge presence gone from our lives. I feel, for lack of a better description, homeless. Alone. I ache for the warmth of my mom's hug. I grieve for the years of love and experience lost by my children when their Nana passed. Her passing seems so senseless. She was only 74.
For me, I haven't been able to really grieve. I have moments of complete breakdown, but I somehow have kept it together. Not by choice, really. I want to cry. I want to crawl into my bed and not get out. I want to shut the world out. I want my Mom back. But, I move through it. I tell myself continually that she is in a better place, happy, reunited with her sister and my Dad, still able to love us, still able to see her grandchildren grow.
I am concerned for my sister. She saw Mom nearly every single day for the last 5 1/2 years. She was Mom's caregiver, confidant and strength. Their relationship was more than a Mother/Daughter bond. Much more. Mom needed Sue. And, Sue needed Mom. The love they shared was remarkable. She is lost. I pray that with some time, she will begin to heal.
I have zero doubt that one day, we will be reunited with Mom, and Dad. For now, we will miss their physical presence every day. We will rejoice in the memories of our lives with them. We will smile when we think of the love we had and still have as a family. We will praise God for our family, which was divinely constructed by his hand. I will tell my children of the love their Nana and Papa had for them. What joy they brought to their lives. And remind them that Nana and Papa will remain in our hearts forever, that we will see them again, and that they are watching them grow from Heaven.